This Is The End...

I often find myself trying to impose a narrative on events in my life. It's easier to believe that there is a logical flow of occurrences and reactions, and that they have some sort of inherent meaning that enhances one's understanding of the world. For instance, I had already selected my narrative for this weekend. I was going to take a weekend trip to St. Louis with my boyfriend, revisit old memories from the past, and forge new ones as well. I was going to talk about my favorite spots in the city and the joy of sharing them with someone new in my life. But then we broke up.

So instead, I was going to turn my weekend into a narrative of triumph. I was going to go to St. Louis on my own, spend time reconnecting with old friends there, and reconnecting with myself and who I am all on my own. But Mom didn't think it was a good idea for me to drive six hours on my own, given how little I've been driving these past few years.

Now here I am, $400 poorer from a non-refundable pre-paid hotel room, with nothing to say, and little sense to impose on the matter. The last time this happened I was full of pithy similes and ready to tie up the experience with a tidy little bow. This time around, all I can say is that life is messy, and it seldom turns out the way we expect.

Relationships are hard, and breakups are harder. If they weren't, musicians and poets the world over would have significantly less source material. It will take time to find the lessons in this experience, and time to be ready to try again. Until then, I'm almost looking forward to spending some quality time with myself, and I'll be sure to let you know how it goes...

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